It’s been a MONTH since we had Milo — but feels like 6. Either way, it’s been too long since I’ve hopped on here (hopefully y’all understand, haha) but I’m BACK and will be posting 1-2x weekly from here on out! We’ve got LOTS to discuss!
Before too much time passed, though, I wanted to share our experience with Milo’s lip tie. It’s unlike anything we’ve ever gone through, and I was completely unprepared for it. So I want to document EVERYTHING here so that it can help someone else who may go through something similar with a newborn! From first noticing the tie, what his symptoms were that made me look in the first place, steps we took, who we contacted, how the procedure went (in detail!) - things we learned after the fact, etc.
So let’s jump into it!
Noticing the Tie
I mean this had to have just been mother’s intuition, because I am (or was) completely tie illiterate. You know that thing where if you have a certain type of car, you see them everywhere? Well I think that goes with a lot of things - like moms who’ve had a baby with a tie probably LOOK for ties, start asking other moms if their babies symptoms may be related to a tie, etc. We tend to look for things / see things we have an existing awareness of. But me, I was the opposite of that. Never had a tie, never looked into ties, had barely a peripheral awareness because they’ve never applied to me.
So, I wasn’t looking for a tie. But after the first week and a half, I felt like something was off. He was having BAD gas pains. And I wasn’t eating anything triggering. I couldn’t place the crying and back arching he was doing, to anything I was doing. That’s when I started looking harder at his latch. It definitely wasn’t deep, and I saw that his top lip was curled under when he nursed. I took a peek under his top lip and saw it, clear as day. It was THICK, too.
Steps I Took
I did some ChatGPT-ing and found out this was something that can be fixed by an ENT or a dentist. We don’t really have a primary care provider or pediatrician and didn’t want to go that route of making an appointment just to get a referral, so I called our dentist directly.
We see a biological dentist about 1.5 hours away. Hudson goes somewhat regularly for appliance checks on his Myobrace, and we all go for yearly cleanings. I called them and just asked, “hey, do y’all do lip tie reversals?” and they said “yes” and made an appointment for us the following week.
It was no big deal, no referral needed, just come in and we’ll fix it.
The Days Before the Appointment
In the days leading up to the appointment, I had shared in IG stories about Milo’s tie and that we had made an appointment for a release.
I had actually asked for advice before making the appointment, basically saying: is a tie something we can work through naturally or should we get this fixed? And EVERYONE said to get it fixed! Apparently even if they’re able to breastfeed without issue, the tie can cause dental problems down the road. I had tons of very specific examples from moms who had left ties alone for their older children and had later removed ties on their younger children because of the downstream effects they had experienced when leaving it untreated. I read enough stories to be sold on making an appointment.
The day I made the appointment, I asked: “what should I be aware of before going in?” and the responses were NOT what I expected. Nearly 3/4 of moms said they could not be with their baby during the procedure. That they had to hand their baby over, wait in a different room. Some said their babies were velcroed to a board, and that they were told to wear headphones or wait in their car so they wouldn’t hear their babies scream.
THIS HAD ME 10000% ready to cancel the appointment. I thought, no WAY. No way is this normal!
I thought about my dentist, though, and I felt that truly, there was no way they’d separate me from my baby especially if I advocated for staying with him. I wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer, either.
When I shared the responses I had gotten about babies being separated, I got an influx of contradictory messages from moms who said: “what?? I got to hold my baby!”
And it turns out, it really is about 60/40 on moms who had their babies taken away vs got to stay with them.
The part that shocked me the most was that the moms who had to be separated from their babies weren’t informed of this ahead of time - so they were unprepared, not informed enough to maybe seek out a different provider who WOULD have let them stay with their babies.
All of this made me so mad, truly, because postpartum moms are in such a SENSITIVE place! They’re already sleep deprived, sensitive, protective of their baby. And going through a trauma like this can easily trigger PPD or PPA.
AND now that we could all see that clearly it’s possible to do this procedure WITH the mom present — it seems like making moms leave the room is just the doctor’s preference. It’s “procedure” really to make things easier for the doctor so they don’t have to deal with the mom. But separating mom and babies during the baby’s first truly painful and scary moment is just….wrong.
I called the dentist a few days before the appointment: “hey, I’m just checking to see what to expect before Milo’s appointment. But, will I be able to hold him or do I need to be out of the room?”
Them: “you’ll definitely be holding him. We wouldn’t do it any other way.”
Exactly what I wanted to hear!
The Procedure
We rolled up to the holistic dentist office in our big ole van, 6 deep. We went back into the room and I sat in the dentist chair with Milo in my lap. Nick and the boys sat right in front of us. The dentist and his assistants were getting the laser ready and started passing out protective glasses. They were ONE PAIR SHORT. So Gus didn’t have one.
Rather than choosing who had to stay outside, Nick made the executive decision to take the older boys outside to climb a tree just outside the window while we continued with the procedure.
I sat sideways on the dentist chair, with Milo laying in my lap. I held his head. An assistant held his lip open.
The dentist said, “oh wow, this is THICK.” And he also pointed to several areas behind his lip that were tied, not just the main one in the front. I hadn’t even noticed these spots. Basically, I felt right then and there that we had made the RIGHT decision in being there!
The laser was a tiny little beam. At first Milo didn’t even cry, but I think it was a delayed reaction. He was trying to get away and it was hard to hold his head. It honestly seemed he was more upset about being held still and fighting to move his head than he was about the laser. But it was hard to tell. It took longer than I had hoped because of the extra ties; but the dentist was being thorough.
I couldn’t tell you if it was 5 minutes or 2 minutes total. For me, time stands still when my baby cries. I hold my breath, I can’t help it.
I remember thinking, I can’t believe parents OPT to get their boys circumcised for no reason at all. Sorry, but that’s bullshit. Seeing my little baby cry and squirm was VERY VERY hard, but I am glad I was able to be there holding him, telling him it was okay, even if it felt like it wasn’t.
I could smell the burning flesh. When the thickest part of his tie released, I could feel the vibration reverberate through his body. It felt like the fascia in his entire body had a reaction to the tie breaking free. And I believe that’s exactly what I felt, but can’t really describe it beyond that.
When it was over, I sat in the chair nursing him, and he didn’t fuss anymore, he was just tired.
They said to rub it every few hours, but they weren’t very specific in their after care instructions. I heard a lot about that from DMs so I implemented based on that advice. Every 6 hours, stretch the lip up and rub my fingers across the area. The tie can come back if this isn’t done.
About the Bodywork
I kept hearing over and over about BODYWORK and cranial-sacral therapy as an important piece of the puzzle when it came to ties.
Many people pointed me to the Vessel Village; they have a course about ties that I’m not really wanting to invest in right now, but it’s in the back of my mind to get to eventually.
I think I have enough information pieced together, though, so I’ll summarize what I know:
The tie is a symptom of widespread tension, tight fascia. This can be developed in the womb as the baby soaks up their mother’s nervous system. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Milo was my first baby to have a tie - and he happened to be conceived 8 months after I tragically lost his brother Fin. I think the trauma stored in my body, in my womb, was transferred to him. He absorbed it, learned it from me, and it manifested physically in his fascia.
Along with his tie, he has trouble laying flat and relaxing. His legs are almost always curled up. To me, him being tense completely checks out and makes sense.
So what to do about it?
Therapy. Cranial-sacral therapy, to help release fascial tightness.
I Googled CRT near me, completely preparing to have to drive to Northwest Arkansas, 3 hours away. But to my surprise, we had a therapist right here in our local town. I contacted her, made an appointment.
I told her about Milo’s symptoms and his tension, and she suggested she do Bowen work instead, which is like a nervous system reset, before moving to CRT. She also suggested I do CRT to release my tension, because otherwise I’m still passing on my own tension to him. Even though he’s not in my womb, he is still imprinted on my nervous system. We are ONE. And I can’t heal him without healing myself.
PHEW. So, yeah, I have a lot of homework.
I’ll have to do another post about Milo’s progress and what all we discover through these appointments, but I do want to say this:
After the tie, his face changed. His top lip actually looked SO different— we could see more of the pink color, we could actually see his gums when he cried. It was kind of wild to see the change because I had memorized his face for 2 weeks of life, and to have it change like that was…bittersweet. But mostly sweet, knowing this is his true face 🥹
Anyway; thank you for reading and let me know if you have any Qs or just things you want to add, in the comment section! Talk soon!